unexpected twist

hmm farnie tat how relieved and light hearted i feel after juz a simple badminton game.. weird huh.. haha.. i also cannot believe myself too..seems like i can only do sports..yah only..ha..stupid me..well weekend was ok..nothing much thou.. din reallie study much.. shit.. i better get back to my books and notes.. eh not books.. i dun have textbook or wadsoeva.. i only got papers.. juz notes lah.. bleah..

only heaven noes

hmm tot of this title was i was bathing..imagine..muz have nothing better to do rite..haha..hmm yah i cried again..everyday..looking into e mirror and realise how dumb i was..

hmm everything i do..juz dun seem rite to pple..they only noe how to nag and nag..budden whenever i do something like mop or sweep e floor..i juz kept quiet..does it have to be tat i go ard telling everyone wat ive done..and waiting for praises..this is mad..the world only sees ur failures and not ur successes..i ve to agree..dumb dumb world made up of dumb dumb pple..
guess only heaven..and me noes..noes how im exactly feeling inside..although i may appear heck care..i feel reallie terrible inside..my mind juz carn stop thinking..who noes..nobody..well maybe my darling and dear..others..i dun even bother to tell them..but sometimes i stop telling them how i feel cos i muz not b selfish..they have their problems too..i carn burden them too much..so i juz kept to myself..it may seem tat im crazy..but this is how i feel..no point influencing others abt how u feel and everything..wat i want is a happy world made up of happy pple with broad smiles on their faces..i always try to console and crap things so as to make pple feel better..ive gotta cast aside my own probs and burdens to try my very best to tok to them..argh..this is terrible..sometimes i wonder..i always seem so happy-go-lucky to my frens..and always lend them a listening ear and offer advices..though they may not work..but who ll be there when i need someone to tok to..
this is such a dumb dumb world..

last nite

hmm carn believe it..he called me last nite..saying tat he rememebred he owe me an explanation..was waiting for him to start budden he say 'forget it'..hmm was watching manu arsenal match so din bother much..den at ard 230 in e morning he called again..this time we reallei tokked..e first thing he ask me was..do i still like him..i noe that ans is a definite yes..but i dun want to ans him..im scared..i dun want to get hurt..as in if i say yes and he want to patch den who can guaratee tat there wun be a 2nd time..i raellie dunnoe..he say he still hope to hear something nice frm me..budden i dunneo..i reallie dunnoe..wat i dunnoe..i dunnoe..quite confused..hmmm he say he will wait..he say he hope tat i still like him..
does it mean tat we are going to patch..not now i guess..everything has to wait until e end of my exams..reallie..muz set my priorities rite..cannot afford to give up last minute..or let everything go down e drain..
he say one of e reasons y he made tat decision is cos i had oo many burdens and he carn seem to share them..if we reallie continue den it wld make him seem like an useless person..i say i dun mind..budden he say isnt wat a bf supposed to share the burden with gf and vice versa..good question..i dunnoe..
many pple pin super high hopes on me..im damn stressed..many things have happened..and time is running out..someone help me..
guess im suffering from depression..loss of appetite..carn slp..headaches..mood swings..argh..!!!

wth

hmm haiz dunnoe lah.. raellie damn f**k up about life.. hmm realise everything is juz passing by without much meaning to me.. wondering wat is happening.. hmm imagine i hate pple saying the f-word.. budden here i am saying it.. damn it.. hmm haiz.. dunnoe lah..
reallie damn depressed.. budden who's here to hear me out.. no one.. dun wanna troube my darling.. budden.. who else.. who else.. who else.. the one whom i usd to confide to has already disappear frm my life.. he is no longer standing by my side supporting me.. haiz...
hmm wat to do.. i realie dunnoe.. haiz.. hope tat everything will turn out fine..
realise tat my life is super messed up...
i said to myself never to fall in love again.. will i... ha

i gave in

i called him juz now.. worried for him cos he said he was f**ked up abt his studies.. like he cannot cope.. so i called him see if he wanted someone to tok.. budden he called back abt 1+ hour later after playing some hp games.. budden we juz chatted for a while.. apparently we dun have much to tok abt now.. so pathetic.. so he juz say take care and study hard.. and tatz how we ended the 'conversation'..

something new

hm stupid opendiary deleted many of my entries.. im so freak out.. nvm.. juz trying to have one online diary.. yah..