reflections

hmm as todae marks e end of the year, itz time to do some reflections..erm actually typing this on 1 jan..cos went countdown yest..yah..nvm tatz for another entry..

well i can juz say the year of 2004 was a bad year..so many things happen..and i dun reallie noe why..they juz came continuously..

1-carn believe this is happening in my family.something tat i reallie carn imagine..and the whole family is ruined..everyone became so much concerned and busybody..and tot they could take control over our lifes..and suddenly i realise never take things for granted..althou things were there the moment u were born but nobody noes watz going to happen..somethings when u tot will never happen to u will juz suddenly happen..u never noe..after that thing had happen..i feel v lost..things are changing too suddenly tat i dun have time to react..maybe when it all started i tot it was for awhile and wasnt prepared for it..i was too self centered..din care abt other things except my stuff..when reality starts to come, i couldnt take it and break down into tears..salty water flowing out from my eyes and the after effect was headache and big puffy eyes..not many pple noe wat happen..cos i dun bother to tell them..or maybe i juz dun wat to make it seems like im a pathetic soul and trying to gain sympathy or empathy..it doesnt mean tat ive got a sorry state..i dun want anyone to feel sorry for me and give me all e attention..i dun need tat..i dun want ur sympathy..i ve my pride..many pple ask me not to put blame on anyone whenever things related happen..budden sometimes i carn help it..in tat spur of moment i was reallie mad and frustrated..why muz she do this..why muz things happen this way..why carn i have a complete family where everyone wil be by my side until i grow up..things happen..and make me frustrated..well juz like how i reject e scholarship..yes it was a good one, but i carn apply for it..i was offered but i opt out..for a single reason..which means insignificant to anyone and yet could bring so much trouble..i reallie want it to be complete..i remember when it all started, when reality starts to fall down on me, i couldnt accept it..cry at almost every single thing..haiz..i couldnt help it..juz crying softly into the night..

2-relationship..dunnoe how to describe..only 7 letters..F-A-I-L-U-R-E..yah..din even noe how we started adn ended..budden there was lotsa mistakes and firsts..mistakes involved..and make things harder to let go..put so much in yet things end up will a fullstop..yah..wanted to get things back in place..but the higher the hopes, e greater the disappointment..did alot..hoping tat would make bonds stronger..budden all the foolishness and stubbornness and innocence proved thigs wrong to me..it doesnt mean tat u will receive wat u had given..itz all a risk involved..everything u do every word u say..some times itz not appreciated..and pple juz alugh at it..i din had a stand on my own and succumb to things..being manipulated by pple..when i start to realise, itz all too late..ive fallen too deep into the hole..

3-trng..well i did my best..sometimes i do rgret and disappoint myself..trained hard..picking up injuries here and there..i tried to let pple understand but it all turn out to be excuses and excuses..even someone told me straight into the face 'i think ure a slacker' tat reallie hurt me..deep..maybe she doesnt mean it..budden it reallie sadden me..i wun forget it..thanx..and for all she noes i start to b unhappy with her..budden i did not show it out..wadeva..u can say all u want..my conscience is CLEAR..

hmm well i muz say life is not all good or bad..life has itz ups and down..when itz down and out, i do find joy..well not a saddist remark..budden when im down my friends console me..making me love them so much..guys and gals..thou they couldnt help much or even do a single bit to help, but they are always by my side..quietly..someones abit too noisy..cos trying to ake my day..budden i raellie muz be grateful to them..never fail to brighten my day..always showing their undying care and concern..wishes and consolation..standing by my side..always..

e the following order doesnt reflect ranking..haha

candice..hey sister..hm thanx for all the secret sharing sessions..haha shhhhh dun worry i wun tell anyone..hmm we had been real close so lately..past few months..thanx for all the encouragements..thou sometimes i reallie need to console u when i was tat reallie good mood..haha budden nvm itz ok..well look on the brighter side k..nothing is too difficult to solve..no mountains is too high..u can go thru everything one k..dun worry u still got us..yah..

dearie..hmm can still rem the joke abt how it all started..haha..well ure a damn smart ass..reallie dunnoe how u manage with all the A...haha..awn thanx for all the jokes tat nv faill to make me laugh and all tat..reallie admire ur lameness..haha yah..dun worry i will miss u..lots..muackz..

shileng..haha bro..hmm thanx for all e consolation and the guidance..haha reallie shre alot of secrets..well not reallie lah..juz alot of crap..and things concerning to relationships..haha thanx for ebign by my side..and also the stupid lameness..

jelvin..haha din mean to put u as the last of the black 5..well no matter wat..juz wanna say thanx..hmm u told me secrets...budden im sorry i carn tell u..haha..bleahs..well u reallie ve to stay on the bright side of life..and dun be so self-centered!!!haha i mean dun have to b so concerned abt ur hair style and things abt appearance..haha oops..ure gonna to botak soon..haha no need care abt hair liao lah

black 5..haha become super close after prelims i guess..or is it after the big exam..went out almost everyday..luckily i dun have a bf..if not he surely say i neglect him..haha well nvm..eh yah thanx fo rmaking my day..thou we keep going out and eventually using up all my money and becoming broke now..ahah budden realie had alot of fun..once in a lifetime..having fun without any worries at all..haha

team..haha real gald to have them by my side..too..when we are trng..everyoen juz stood by each others side..encouraging..and fight on..yeah..real grateful..haha

pigs!!!haha i wun forget uall lah..hmm thanx for all the crazy sessions..going out and having lunch after trng..haah ll the lame jokes and fun..yeayea..love ya lots..